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by orphan_account



Category: Eddsworld - All Media Types
Genre: Eventual Tom/Tord - Freeform, Growing Up (slightly), Hurt and comfort, It’s never written it just gets cut off don’t worry, M/M, No Smut, PTSD, Reference to self harm, Referenced Pau/Pat, There's a lot of dialogue by my standards just a heads up, life story, some sexual themes
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-02-24
Updated: 2018-03-31
Packaged: 2019-03-17 08:25:51
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 5,585
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13655217
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: Have you ever wondered what it’s like to die? To fall so far from grace, because of the one you love, that you feel the force keeping you tethered to this world rip apart? Do you know how much I’ve sacrificed, just so you can love me back?





	1. Year One

**Author's Note:**

> "I thought, 'what if', and suddenly you were there."  
> The characters in this piece are NOT the real-life counterparts of the Eddsworld characters, but the fictional characters.

It all started in Junior year of high school.

The first day of the second semester on a chilly winter day, looking forward to going to the nearest fast food joint with his friends, Tom came face to face with him.

He was new, then. Barely speaking a word of English, but still sitting and anxiously smiling as Edd spoke fast, laughing, before meeting eyes with Tom from across the cafeteria. It was strange, to see this boy that he has never spotted in the halls before, band-aids scattered on his face and a small scar splitting the small area between his eyes.

"This is Tord!" Edd exclaimed when Tom walked up to the small table, bag almost falling off of his shoulders. "He's new! He says he's from Norway."

The stranger with cowlicked-horned caramel hair didn't stop staring at him before Tom cleared his throat. Jumping, Tord held out his hand. The nails were bitten. "It is nice to meet you." He said, words mangled with the thickest accent Tom has ever heard.

"Tom."

It was quiet in their small spot of air while the cafeteria bustled around them, Edd silently waiting for them to continue talking while the other two stared silently at each other. It was a strange moment, mixed feelings from the both.  _This man_ , they thought,  _is strange in the most beautiful of ways_.

The moment was broken as a blur of ginger rushed up to the group, voice high-pitched despite his height. "I'm here!" He yelled. "I didn't forget this time, Edd!" He flashed Edd with a blinding smile. He laughed.

"This is Matt." He gestured to the tall boy huffing. "Now that everyone's here, we can go!" Edd smiled again, excitement seeming to come off his person in waves.

"Wait, wait," Tom dragged his eyes off of Tord, who had already broken the stare when Matt came bounding up. "We just  _met_ this guy, why is he coming with us?"

"Tom!" Edd huffed, standing so he could stomp his foot. "He doesn't know anyone, we can be his first friends!"

"Yeah!" Matt adds in. "Who is he again?"

-●-

Tom skipped lunch.

It didn't stop this new student to seemingly follow him everywhere. They shared the last two periods of the day together, one with Tord sitting next to him. He didn't enjoy this.

Tord had tried to start a conversation, with simple questions such as "How are you?" or "What does this word mean?", but Tom ignored him. He couldn't handle another person in his tight group of friends. He didn't like people.

It continued on like this for a week, with Tord trying less and less to talk with him and Tom making excuses as to why he couldn't join them for lunch that day. Tord always asked why he kept wearing black, why his eyes were weird, so many questions that Edd and Matt never did and he can't he can't he  _can't_.

One Friday, before Tom had a whole weekend to do  _nothing_ but play his beautiful bass, a small note was slipped to him in his math class.

 

_I think your eyes are pretty._

_TORD_

 

Tom didn't know why he read it. Why he read it again, and again, and again until he was sure he was at least two pages behind whatever the teacher was talking about. His eyes. His pure black eyes, what many people thought were the sign of the devil. He glanced over at the boy in the red plaid jacket. He stared intensely at the paper below him, nervously etching a thick black line into the lined paper in front of him. He didn't know what to say; what to do. He stared at the boy next to him until he eventually looked up at Tom as well, and it seemed to be a repeat of the moment where they first met.

Staring.

Words unspoken.

He barely,  _hardly_ knew this boy, this mess of a boy, yet he felt he knew him for his whole life in that moment.

Their unwavering gaze broke when Tord looked away, shoulders hunching as he continued with the math they were supposed to be working on. Tom swallowed and looked back down at the note.

When he slid it back to Tord, it only had two words on it.

 

 

_thank you_

 

-●-

 "Why don't you talk to him more?" Edd asked one day, walking home from school. "He likes you, and I see the way you look at him!"

"It's not that. It's just.." Tom sighed, fiddling the one strap actually slung over his shoulder. It was February. "I can only handle so many people at a time. And I don't even know him."  
  
"It's been a  _month_ , Tom. Just talk to him! If you talk to him, you'd actually 'know' him. He's really cool! Did you know he's built mini-robots?"

"Huh," Tom said, turning on his heel to walk up to his front steps. "That is kinda cool." He stops at his door before looking over his shoulder at his life-long friend, staring at him unimpressed. "Kinda nerdy though."

Edd rolled his eyes. "I'll be sure to tell him that."

-●-

"Would you like to go to the golden arches with me during lunch break?"

It's March. The thick accent has slightly faded and the English has improved, but it's still Tord.

Short, red, Norwegian Tord.

"The.. what?" Tom asked, looking down at his.. friendly acquaintance that stood before him.

"Ah, no, uhm--" Tord looked at his feet, eyebrows scrunched in concentration. "The golden arches. The, ah, big M?"

"MacDonalds?"

"Yes! The restaurant."

"Fast-food joint."

"Yes, that."

Tom smirked, moving his arms, that hung by his sides, to rest idly in his hoodie pockets. "I'm cool with that. We should let Edd and Matt know too-"

"Ah, no, ahm.." Tord looked down again. "I was hoping it could be us. The two. Both. Of us."

"...Like a date?"

Tord's face flushed red, and his hazel eyes went wide. "No no no-! I just thought because we do not know each other well, I-- my apologies, my apologies, I'll go-"

"Hey hey, wait ya lil' communist." He grabbed the edge of Tord's collar, pulling him back as he turned to flee. "I'll go with you. Sounds fun."

"I am not a communist. I am Norwegian." Tord huffed, struggling to get out of Tom's grip. He laughed.

"Sure. You're paying."

-●-

It became a weekly thing. Every Wednesday, Tom and Tord would go and get MacDonald's with each other. Sometimes Edd or Matt would come, usually both, but it was usually just them. It was nice.

The break from the loud, bustling cafeteria did wonders for Tom's psyche, letting himself relax from the harsh eyes of the other students of his school. When it was just the two of them, they ate their respective lunches in a booth near the back, comfortable silence enveloping them like a blanket.

Not today.

"Ah, Tom?" Tord looked up from his ten-pack of McNuggets. "It comes to my mind that we do not know much about each other."

Tom didn't look up from his phone, half-heartedly eating a french fry. "Yeah. And?"

"And.." Tord says, fidgeting with his hands. "I was wondering if we could.. talk."

"Uh.. alright. About what?"

Tord smiled.

"Ever played 20 questions?"

"Yeah, like, once."

"Well, do you want to?"

Tom shrugged, putting his phone back into his pocket. "I'm up for it. What's your favourite colour?"

"Red. You?"

"Blue."

-●-

And it was normal.

It was weird, but normal. Tom liked it. He liked it.

He liked  _him_.

It's only been two months. He doesn't know how to feel about it. How when they walk the same way to their shared class (after Tord changed his route on purpose) and all Tom could think about was holding his hand and how nice it would be to hold his soft hands I mean he doesn't  _know_ if he'd be okay with that and he's not even into dudes anyway and why do I feel like this  _I've only known him for a few months_ -

And then while the teacher is writing on the board he would pass him a note trying to cheer him up with typo-filled English and a scraggly smiley-face and Tom would pass it back with a snide remark but his heart is beating fast, fast, fast. 

When Edd and Matt invite him over for a movie night and sleepover on a long weekend and Tom finally agrees to come with the three of them, he finds himself nestled next to Edd, his head on his shoulder and dead asleep at only 2 AM. Matt resides next to him, asleep, as the horror movie marathon continues on into the dead of night. Next to him, Tord clutches a throw pillow tightly to his chest, grin splitting his face in half as gore splatters across the screen. He doesn't know how long he stares, at the hazel eyes illuminated by the bright T.V., the soft curls that fall down his face held back from falling in front of his eyes by a headband he borrowed from Matt. He wears a Sailor Moon shirt that's a pastel pink and he refuses to wear at school and only in front of friends and family. He doesn't know when Tord turns to look at him back, doesn't know when he looks up and meets the man's gaze. And suddenly he can't breathe because he was caught staring and he hates him he hates him he hates him-

"Hey."

It's whispered, no need to talk when they are already sat so close to each other on the small couch. Tord smiles at him, no longer out of sadistic glee. Tom hopes he doesn't notice the flush on his face. "Hey." He says, whispering back to him. Their eyes locked for who knows how long before Tord started laughing. He doesn't know why. He's starting to realise that he doesn't know a lot when it comes to Tord, why he does anything.

"We missed the best part. It was the best murder in the whole film." Tord turns back to the T.V. "It's alright though, I can go back if you want."

"I don't care." Tom shrugged, pulling his gaze away from the boy next to him. "It's up to you."

His hands are sweaty. He's never felt like this before. He's never really liked any kind of girl, but he didn't think he was into guys, and this  _guy_. His train of thought would've continued if a head didn't fall against his shoulder, and he looked over, and  _god_ , the sight, the sight he saw-

Tord, leaning his body into Tom's, that god damn grin splayed back on his face as the climax of the movie played, curled around that same pillow as before. His knees are brought up to the front of the pillow. He giggles like a fourth grader when they kill the murderer, and seems to get bored when it goes back to whatever plot they were doing. They sit as the credits start to roll with cheap music playing. As the screen turned black, fading to the Netflix selection screen, Tom tilted his head to glance at Tord, his breath soft and eyes lightly closed as his head tucked even closer in Tom's neck. His heart raced and he doesn't know why. Why. Why does he feel like this? 

"Tom?" Tord said, voice soft in the late night. "You're awake, right?"

"Yeah. What?"

"Can I ask you something?"

"Shoot."

"Do you like anyone?"

"I..." His heart thudded. "No."

"Ah. Okay, well, imagine you liked someone. But she always seems to be trying to push you away. What would you do."

"I would tell them. Tell them I wanna hang out more."

Tord turns his head to look up at Tom. Their faces inches apart, breath mingling together.

"I want to hang out with you more, Thomas."

 "Just the two of us?"

"I would like that."

-●-

On the last day before summer break, they're all sitting in the empty parking lot of their school, a beat-up Nissan the last car left. Matt was painting his nails while leaning against the school wall, with Edd blowing on his own. They were mint green, with Matt's a hot pink colour. Tord lay on his back with his head lain in Tom's lap, writing down physics theories. Tom watched the sky and sat in silence as the sky slowly became darker. "What should we do over the break?" Edd broke the silence, looking at the others.

"We should watch the new Paranormal Activity movie!" Matt yelled, smile blinding as he waved his hand covered in polish ferociously.

"There's a million of those and they're all the same, Matt," Tom replied, tone monotone as he pulls his gaze away from the dull sight. He looks bored at Edd. " _Please_ tell me you have a better idea Edd."

"Amusement park?" He said, brightening.

"I hope you all have fun this summer," Tord says, setting down his notebook facedown. "I will not be here to join you."

"What!?" Matt yelled, slamming his bottle of nail polish down. "Where are you going?"

"I am going back to Norway for summer. I should be back for senior year."

"Hm." Tom leaned back as Edd and Matt fussed over the fact that Tord was leaving them for the whole break. He didn't know how to feel. They could still talk, it wasn't the end of the world.

He felt someone jab at the underside of his chin and looked down to meet Tord's gaze.

"I will see you soon, Tom."

 


	2. Convocation

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> And it hurt, and it hurt, but somehow above all that I still felt this sickness, this mess.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> haha whoops I lied there are two chapters of this garbage fire now

"Has he said anything to you?"

"Nope." Tom replied, popping the 'p'. They were all crowded on Edd's couch once again, duelling it out on Mario Kart on Edd's N64. Matt was eating popcorn, flipping through one of Edd's sketchbooks as he barely paid attention to the match at hand. "I figured he said something to you guys."

"Yeah, it is kind of weird," Edd said, chewing on his lip as he barely rounded a turn in the track they were playing. Matt dramatically cleared his throat, drawing Edd's attention away from the screen.

"Timezones!" He sing-songed, flipping another page and oo-ing at the sketches of different cats before grabbing a nearby pen and crudely trying to draw his own rendition of one.

"That is true. Maybe he doesn't have enough time to talk to us!" Edd said, always the hopeful one.

"Yeah," Tom muttered. "Maybe."

-●-

Tom's hands felt cold as he left the movie theatre.

"And like, when he went over those two buildings when he first got his powers and all, it was  _awesome_!" Edd yelled, throwing his hands in the air and smiling so wide it could split his face in half. "Like, like, how can people say this movie was bad? The cinematography!"

"The girl could've been prettier." Matt shrugged, checking to see if his nails had gotten ruined during his mid-movie popcorn battle between him and Tom. "I don't even remember her that well."

" _Mary Jane freaking Watson_ dude! She was hot!"

"Well, what does Tom think? Tom was she hot?"

Tom snapped his head up from where he was looking at his feet. They were outside of the cinema now, about to head off to some fast-food place for dinner. After thinking for a moment, he half-shrugged. "She was alright."

"HA! See!? She was hot!" Matt exclaimed, puffing out his chest and trying to look taller despite being the tallest of the group.

"Doesn't change my mind!" Edd huffed, shoving his hands into his hoodie pockets. His bangs didn't cover his eyes anymore.

As they walked forward, bickering ahead, Tom fell back. There was an uneasy feeling in his stomach, tying it in knots. He wasn't sure what it was. It felt bad. Wrong. He scuffed the sidewalk as he once again got lost in thought. Why hadn't Tord said anything yet? It was August. School was starting back up in a few weeks. Did he find people better to hang out with? He was probably talking about how annoying they all were. How horrible it was. How horrible he was and  _stop it stop it he was having a nice day **don't think about that**_ \--

"Tom? You coming or what?" Edd called, an unreasonable amount of distance between him and Tom. He shook his head to clear his thoughts.

"Yeah, yeah, I'm coming. Just thinkin'." He yelled back, starting to sprint over.

"Thinking about your  _boooyyyfriend_?" Matt said, grinning as Edd elbowed him in the side. Matt let out a small yelp at the bony appendage jamming itself into his stomach.

"You alright?" Edd asked.

"Yeah, fine. And he's not my boyfriend, Matt!" Tom said, shoving Matt's still-grinning face away from him. "Let's get some cheap food."

-●-

It was three in the morning on the Saturday before senior year starts when Tom got a call on his phone, loud Ska music blasting from its shitty speakers. Grumbling, he fumbled and squinted at the harsh light bombarding his eyes before answering. "Mmm." He mumbled, eyes already falling closed again.

"Thomas?" A familiar accented voice rang through the phone as Tom rubbed his eyes.

"Whossit?" He replied, sitting up in his bed as he stared into the darkness that was his room.

"Tord. I am calling to say hello. It has been awhile." Tord said, and Tom swore he could hear two older voices mumbling in a foreign language in the background.

"Oh. Oh, so now, after two months of nothing from you, you decide to call me at three AM two days before school starts. Makes sense."

"Ah, look, Tom, I'm-I'm sorry for not being able to communicate with any of you three this summer break. I was very busy. I called to let you know I'm about to get on our plane back."

"Yeah. Whatever. Goodnight." He grumbled, before hanging up in the middle of whatever sputtering sentence Tord was trying to formulate, and shoved his head back into his pillows. That feeling was back, tearing at his lungs and his heart and his mind. It hurt. It hurt and he didn't know what it was, or why.

-●-

He had one class with Tord, his last class of the day. English. The only class that was mandatory throughout all four years. He dreaded it.

He had band class with Matt, who was surprisingly good with a drum kit and was the only person who was genuinely interested in how he played bass. In his philosophy Edd was there, doodling away and paying attention just enough so that he wrote notes that made sense for the both of them. His third period was a science course, biology. He only took it because he found it easy and needed another class to fill his roster. They went fine. At lunch, he skipped, opting to sit out near the bleachers where the smokers would hang out. He got a few texts from Edd, making sure he wasn't doing drugs or whatever weird illegal thing Edd could come up with, but otherwise was left alone.

Then came English.

Tom sat at the back of the room, unbothered, being either ignored or having worried gazes thrown at him. Nothing he wasn't used to. The bell signalling the start of class went, and Tord was nowhere to be seen. He started wondering. Where could he be? Tord had relatively good attendance last year, usually being in class before Tom.

Ten minutes after class began, Tord ran in, panting, and starting apologising in garbled English to the teacher, who just motioned for him to sit down. "It's the first day," She said to him. "Don't worry about it. Just try not to be late again."

He sat next to Tom. Of course he did. He smiled, "I got lost in the school. Isn't that weird?" he asked, trying to start a quiet conversation in the back of the class. Tom wasn't having it.

"Yeah. I guess." He opened his binder, angling it so their teacher at the front of the room wouldn't notice him scrolling through his phone. Tord shifted, and Tom felt that feeling crawling in his stomach again. He tried to push it down but it kept coming up, up, up.

"Are you.. upset?" Tord asked, whispering. Tom spared him a glance, and he seemed worried. His face was scrunched up, and his tendency to scribble on his paper didn't seem to have gone away over the break, as he was running down his pencil against the thin sheet. Tom sighed and tapped his fingers on the table.

"Yes."

"Why?"

Tom hit his finger harder on the table, a small crack echoing from his knuckle. He slid his hand back into his pocket. "It's nothing. It's dumb."

"It's not dumb if it's bothering you."

Tom sighed and shook his head, new anxiety gnawing at him. "I don't want to talk about it."

"But-"

"Just  _leave it_ , Tord." He snarled, pencil lead breaking on the paper as he pressed it down. Cursing softly under his breath as he got up to use the sharpener at the front of the class. When he came back, Tord wouldn't look at him.

He felt bad about it.

He wouldn't say anything about it.

-●-

He got quieter.

After that, Tom didn't talk to him as much. Tord tried, he tried, but Tom just... couldn't get the energy up to do it. To reply. He didn't know why. He didn't understand why. He just got so tired.

He skipped out on the after-school hang-outs, he was silent at lunch. Edd and Matt didn't ask. They looked concerned, Tom knew they wanted to ask. But he didn't talk about it. He didn't know what to say. What was happening. It just made his stomach turn when he saw Tord smiling, looking away from him and laughing at some dumb pun Edd made or some dumb thing Matt has done. It hurt when they would make eye contact and Tom looked away because he just couldn't, he  _couldn't_. But he doesn't know. He doesn't know why. 

_But does he really?_

-●-

"Tord got invited to a  _party_!" Edd yelled into the phone receiver, causing Tom to flinch away from his phone's speakers.

"Jesus, you call me at 7 AM on a Saturday to tell me that?" Tom sighed, pulling his blanket over his head in a desperate attempt to regain the comfort he had before Edd interrupted his sleep.

" _Yes_!" Edd practically screeches into the receiver, causing Tom to grumble. "Because he invited us to come with him!"

"Who even invited him? Some hot chick with a crush and big house?"

"Basically."

"Of course. I'm not coming."

"Aww, but-"

He hung up.

A dark feeling clutched his stomach, putting his head on his knees. Why. Why. Why. He had issues. He knows this. He knows this. He's scared. He's always scared no one wants him, no one needs him, no one will he  _wants him._

His head shot up.

_He wants Tord._

-●-

He's not gay, he's not gay, he's not gay, he can't be gay! 

But why does he  _like Him_?

He makes excuses to skip lunch. He doesn't answer texts. He panics he panics he panics because he can  _not_ face them and he  _can't_ look at Tord. He skips the class he shares with Him. He ignores the notes Tord slips him. He ignores and he tries to not think of it but he  _can't do that_. Not forever. But he can't stand the thought of Tord getting with some girl, some hot senior and cracking jokes and she laughs and no. He can't. 

But what can he do?

His answer comes as a text pinging his phone in the middle of the night on a Friday. From Tord.

An address.

A time.

A hope.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Nevermind there are three


	3. Drunk

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A sickness turned in my stomach but I kept my head held high, because I can't afford to show you I'm afraid. I'm always afraid.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This whole thing is gonna be a lot longer than I initially thought it would be... I figured it would be about eight chapters. Probably not. Woops.

He remembers the handful of days leading up to the fabled party that his friends had been invited to. Some blonde floozy wanted to impress the stupid foreign boy, maybe hoping to hook up with him, so of course, a huge party where irresponsible teenagers could get wasted was the perfect way to do just that.

Tom sulked the Thursday before the party. He didn't miss the worried glances Tord would give his way, but neither of them tried to talk to the other. Tom wanted to ask  _why_ he hadn't said a thing over the long break, he wanted to know if he was even interested in the stereotypical girl, he wanted to know why why why he felt like this to some dumb straight guy. But whenever he tried to gather the strength his insides would crumble and his hands would sweat and the way Tord gnawed on his lip when he was thinking in class was strangely cute and he couldn't bring himself to do it. So, instead, he did what any smart person would do.

Sneak into the party, get wasted, corner Tord and yell at him.

Flawless plan.

Edd never stopped inquiring as to why he suddenly ignored Tord and missed lunch to instead try and properly tune the broken bass guitar in the music room, and was always met with half-assed responses like he wasn't feeling well that day. Edd said they were getting a bit worried. " _I don't want a repeat of Sophomore year, Tom_ ," he would reply, and Tom could never stop the trembling in his hands as he read over it. He denied it would happen again. But he didn't promise. He never promises.

Matt was better. He didn't ask, but he tried to hype Tom for the party. "Your first high school party!" He would squeal into the receiver. "It's so exciting!" Tom would laugh, say he wasn't one for crowds. But he couldn't help start to get self-conscious as Matt rattled on. That gnawing feeling would always come back.

And so, when the school bell rings on Friday afternoon, he rushes out of school before any of his friends can get to him. He gets one text from Tord that day, a strange occurrence since the cold silence between them for the past week.

" _Party's at 10. See you there?_ "

-●-

He is fashionably late.

Or, as late as he could be within reason. Where everyone's starting to get totally wrecked, but enough sober people that he won't lose his mind. As he walks in the unlocked door into the sea of drinking teens, his chest seems to tighten and his breath shorter. He cracks his knuckles and wades through everyone partying, making his way to the kitchen where the alcohol is being given out. He sighs as he grabs a bottle of cheap beer and chugs as much as he can in one go. He cringes, the taste bitter, but it settles some of the nerves in his chest. He sighs.

Across the room, he can spot Edd and Matt chatting on a couch, either impressively ignoring the couple making out beside them or not even noticing. Tord is nowhere in sight. Another bottle is chugged. His palms are sweaty and his head is foggy but he the nerves are calming and he can think without panicking.

He leans against a wall, nursing his third drink, watching with hooded eyes as the party-goers pay him no mind, trying to spot the Norwegian through the crowd. It takes another bottle and half a can before he spots him, a signature red sweater hanging on his body.

His face is flushed, but he seems annoyed, or maybe angry. But the way he keeps looking over his shoulder shows he's also nervous. Afraid. Someone calls a drunken version of his name from somewhere in the room, and he quickens his pace before slipping into one of the few unoccupied bathrooms. Tom scoffs, setting down his half-finished drink. A talk is to be had, and with a clouded mind and battered judgement, he follows the shorter man into the empty room.

The lights are off in the bathroom, the only light filtering in through the door and the small window in the wall leading outside. Tord is fiddling with the tap, splashing water on his face as he mutters unintelligible Norwegian. Tom stumbles in, softly cursing as he almost trips, and slams the door behind him. Tord jumps, turning to face Tom with a scared expression before turning to surprise. "Tom.." his accent is thicker than before, or Tom isn't as used to it anymore. "You're here? But, I thought you did not like parties."

"Y'motherfucker," Tom slurred, walking towards him. Tord backed up against the sink. "I had to come. Only place I could talk to you."

"But, do you not have my phone number? We share some classes, too, so-" He stopped himself as Tom's cold finger pushed against the soft fabric of his hoodie, his face much closer than before. His breath smelled of alcohol.

"Y'really don' know me if you think I can just talk to people willy-nilly without my BAC being over the healthy amount."

"I.." Tord looked nervous now. Real nervous. Confused, too. Tom gritted his teeth. "I am so confused."

"You motherfucker think you can just ignore m-us the whole fuckin' summer, come back like nothin' happened? Act like you own the wholle damn place again?"

"Is this why you've been ignoring me?" Tord scoffed, rolling his eyes. "I  _told_ you, I was busy! I have friends and family there, Tom, I can't spend all my time with y-" 

"Shut the fuck up, you communist bastard." Tom snarled, Tord's eyes narrowing. "I don' care about you're-you're shitty excuses. Y'fucking hurt.. hurt Matt and Edd and, and you just act like nothin' happened."

"Really?" Tord said. "Because based on what they said to  _me_ , you were the one who was really fucking butt-hurt about the whole situation."

Tom's hands clenched tight. "I don' give a  _shit_ about you."

And Tord, Tord had the fucking  _gall_ to do that fucking lip-bite as he crossed his arms. "I leave for a measly two months, and you throw a giant temper-tantrum. It's not like I died or some shit, Thomas."

Tom, gritted his teeth, shoving Tord against the side of the toilet in the small space. "I would fuckin enjoy it if you did, you little shit! We were worried and you said  _nothing_! And you're excuse was because you had  _a family_."

"Fine! You want to know the real fucking reason? You jævla fitte?! I was going to text you guys, but there's a little thing called military school that my papa thought would be an amazing fuckin' idea. I couldn't have texted you if I could!"

"Then why didn't you just fucking say so!"

"I don't know!" Tord yelled, eyes screwing tight. "I just- I don't want you to think I'm weird! You're acting like I killed your family!"

The room went deadly silent. Tord's heavy breathing was the only thing heard in the small space, his eyes trained on the floor. After a few seconds of nothing, he looked up to Tom. His heart plummetted. 

Tom's pure-black eyes were filled with tears, threatening to break. His face looked like his heart had just shattered, his fists clenched so hard his knuckles were white. He grit his teeth, roughly wiping his eyes before staring Tord down.

"My parents are dead."

The silence continued on. Tord gaped. "I'm- I'm so sorry, I didn't know, I had no idea, I.."

"Just..." Tom's voice was barely a whisper. "Shut up. Just shut up. I knew this was stupid, I'm sorry."

"No, no, Tom,  _I'm_ sorry, I shouldn't have said that I'm just being dumb and I didn't think-"

Tom's hand was on the doorknob, the only barrier between them and the party raging on like nothing was happening. Tom thunked his head on the door.

"I really care about you, Tom," Tord said, quiet. He slowly approached Tom and placed a hand on his shoulder. Tom drew in a shaky breath. "I.. I mean, I don't know what kind of things you have gone through or are going through, but.. but I'd like to be there for you through all of it."

Tom turned his head, eye level with the red-clad boy. His eyebrows were knit in worry, lip being worn down between his teeth. He sucked in a breath, and said something he had been ignoring, ignoring and praying it would disappear, because he knew how it would turn out in the end.

"I think I love you."

Tord sucked in a breath, before giving a small smile. 

And their lips crashed together, strong and unpracticed, new and unsure but it was great and Tom was wrong, he was so so wrong, and he was so happy his chest ached. As their lips danced with each other their bodies pressed unknowingly close, the kiss growing more passionate. Tom felt his back hit the cold wall behind him and Tord leaned impossibly close but Tom wanted to be closer, so much closer, because god this was better than he thought it could ever be. After a beautiful eternity, they had to draw back, sucking in heaving breaths and Tom wanted to cry and laugh and never let go, never let go of this man.

"I love you."

And it doesn't matter who said it because, at some point, it would lose meaning, as everything does.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh woah hey hello!! Sorry this took longer than expected. Complete honest here, I wanted the 'highschool' segment to just be in one chapter, but then i found I am incredibly lazy and love procrastinating so I split it up into multiple chapters. I wanted this to be a kind of 'growing up' fanfiction, except it doesn't start when they're kids since I DON'T KNOW HOW TO WRITE CHILDREN. So now I have no idea what this is. Uh, I hope you all like this. I won't give up halfway on this one like my OTHER MULTICHAPTER FIC. i am CALLING MYSELF OUT I HATE THAT I STOPPED IT. but it was because of mental health reasons so shrug maybe i'll pick it up again when I remember the plot,,, maybe. Happy holidays

**Author's Note:**

> Get ready for a ride because I have an idea


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